23

i'm thinking about when i'm old. like 23 old.
it feels like so far away. but it's only like 4 and a half years.
i wonder where i'll be and what i'll be doing then...
if i'll have the same values. the same number of piercings. :P
the same skills and talents. if i'll still be going in the same direction?
if i'll have a broken heart...or not.

waiting for angels?

haha, i liked it even if it was horrible.
all the fat girls in the front who were crying and desperately reaching for adam and all the other bubs...well that was the bad part. and the sweaty fat guys. why is everyone fat when you're moshing????
and smelly. i hope nobody had HIV or something!!! cuz i sure got it if they did. and i was smelling clean and fresh as a daisy before i went in, but then...all the bubs who came straight from their sewage jobs came rushing in and started sweating buckets as they leapt around and smashed into all the nice clean girls.
and no breath mints either.
i should take a shower and get all the nasty feeling off of me.
(i realize the reason i like moshing is because everyone forgets that you're not suppose to touch people you don't know and we all get in the mix.)
unfortunately i was kicked in the face like 3 times...from crowd surfers who obviously didn't know how to do it.
okay...and i decided the reason most people faint is because there's too much carbon dioxide down there, close to the ground with a million people all panting.
thank you for reading this nonsense and marking it up to my being very tired and smelly.

goodnight. :) I LOVE you. More than you'll ever know.

too many people!

i'm scared of people.
i just want a non-talking day.
where i don't have to see or hear anyone or anything.
it might actually be nice to be deaf and blind for a day.
just a day...or to go and be alone for a day. all alone...
i'm freaking scared of people, it like my head's gonna explode.
do you people just see right through me?
^_^
i'm so tired, but also totally buzzed. this morning before work at 7, I drank an entire energy drink (2 servings) and then pop later in the morning and highly caffeinated tea when i got home. much too little sleep these pass couple nights.
i should go to bed, but i know i probably won't be able to sleep until like midnight...so maybe i should make this cool video game where you're just wandering around in a wasteland with nothing in it but background music (visible) and sensory elements...

why can't i sleep?

why can't i sleep?
i'm exhausted.
but when i lay down.
i itch and can't sleep.
it's a call to open my eyes.
but i'm so tired...
why can't i sleep?
i don't have any pills.
or milk at this hour?
it's almost 1 am.
and i'm 'getting up' at 5.
my body is tired.
but my mind is drugged.
and nobody's up or around.
i wish i could find sense...
of life or of awakeness.
why are some people loved?
oh go to sleep love!
but i'm itchy and restless.
i'm on the verge of saying...
things i don't mean,
so tired...so very very tired.
but my eyes are awake.
what drugs have they taken?
oh why can't i sleep?

pull me apart

drip a lifetime away

tell them the truth

touch the ground

before

you leave me

corbis dive

dive down into the liquid of God.
perfection in cool clearness.
all the pieces of peace, melted.
combining eternity with present.
faces blurred into nothing.
time stretches, endless and never.

dive into the bottomless ocean.
quietness in the questions.
be reborn and never emerge.
no need to breathe anymore.
never coming up to the air.
there's nothing anymore.

china phone.

so my phone actually did come...after i bought a tiny little pre-paid nokia phone. ^_^
but then i sold the nokia phone to my parents.
there is an amazing magicsushi game on this new phone, also it has fm radio and analog tv (which is pretty much useless, but cool nonetheless.)
it was much cooler to get the phone after being pretty much sure that it wasn't coming.
and the manual that came with it is hilarious. the most oft quoted warning is that it might explode or cooks meals. (i'm guessing they meant 'fry') :P

ikea

this is the TOLGA ikea bed that I am currently obsessed with. i could live at ikea.
plus they have great candy and frozen yogurt. :D

retraction

okay so the stupid company that's suppose to be sending me a great new phone decided that that one was out of stock as well. (see older post)
so hopefully this 3rd selection will be the charm. of course it's also my 3rd choice and i'm getting rather annoyed with them but this phone is kinda cool too. it is double sided phone and i'm hoping it's not out of stock too!

11:22

the other night when I was biking home from work at 11pm something, i was really tired and just feeling like i wanted to be home right away, but it's a 4 mile ride and i was about 3 miles in. then i came to the gas station, and the bank beside it. the bank always flashes the temperature and the time. it was 32 degrees and 11:22.
i was so happy it wasn't 11:30 yet that i almost started crying. i like getting home before 11:30, but when i'm going home i usually go slower then when i'm going to work, cuz it's cold and dark going home and i won't get in trouble for getting home late. :P

new phone

so this is my amazing new phone, which actually hasn't come in the mail yet due to some miscommunications, the other phone that I was getting was out of stock or something.
i'm so excited, cuz i think this is one of the most unique looking phones.
so everybody tell me what you think of it. ^_^

rain in kyo

So I love the Resident Evil movies.
But...I feel the need to note at least one inconsistency.
In the third film; Resident Evil: Extinction, the caravan is attacked by crows that have been feeding on 'dead' zombies.. The crows are trying to eat our various heroes.
Only problem is that the crows would have turned cannibalistic, not aggressive towards humans.
They would have eaten each other. [o_o]
Anyways...minor issue in a hugely cool movie.
I love Alice's hair, and her gun/knife skills.
Its also a unique move because Alice is the only one with a character shield.
Its best not to get attached to any of the random, cute troopers and soldiers, cuz they all die in some heart-stopping way.
Alice never has any weakness in guys. She likes some of them, but they always conveniently die before she can get too attached. One less thing to think about, I suppose...
If you really think about it, love has caused many heroes to fail, or at least stopped them from becoming as cool as they could have.
Think Spider man, Superman, and Bat man (though with Bat man she died early enough that she is more like fuel for his greatness).
All that to say, love isn't all its said to be.
I thinks its more the thought of love...just like it's the thought of sex that sells things on tv.

dentist office

Why is there always a fish tank in the dentist office??
Are fish supposed to make nervous people feel better?
Little orange blurbing fishes? Talk to me fishy!
'Calm your thoughts my dear...it won't hurt too bad...mahahaha!'

And all the calming pictures of waterfalls and flowers, woods and quiet country roads, and the magazines...forbes, and sports illustrated mostly.
Seems fitting, right?
After all there are more important things then me going to the dentist...

I actually don't understand why dentists scare people, because it doesn't hurt very much, its actually kinda like getting a massage...someone is giving you one on one physical attention. Just enjoy it! Heck...I know I will.
Though it does annoy me when they say: 'dr so and so will be right with you.'
Then 20 minutes later he shows up.
Seriously, I'm old enough to be told it will be a few minutes. ^_^

tell all your friends, the buddha's not coming back

so coffee. why do people drink it? it stains your teeth and it's nasty and bitter tasting
alright, so some people dump 13 sugar packets into it. (ruthiey ^_^)
and that makes it somewhat bearable. but honestly, why bother in the first place?
tea is so much taster, besides not needing sugar or cream. and there are lots
of different kinds of tea, whereas there is only one kind of coffee, even if they
do try to cover up the taste with lots of other artificial flavors. i mean seriously,
you think peppermint is going to cover up the taste???
any coffee drinkers are free to comment on the virtues of coffee. I'd love to hear
your side of the story. :D

Scream

you know how people with autism repeat the same activity over and over?
i'm that way about music.
i have 2 cds that I will listen to right now,
and only those.
Anberlin: Cities,
and Kill Hannah: Until There's Nothing Left of Us
i even try to listen to other cds, but no, they just don't sound right.

I wanna have one of those zen pools to sit by.
night time is the best time, especially when you're alone, and even better
when you have something like a zen pool to sit by.

(jelly beans are most delicious if you suck them one by one,
and spit out the ones that taste like lipgloss, or popcorn)

why are public bathrooms always so freaking bright?
I suppose they are meant to be a get in and get out experience, but still...
make them a little more interesting.
ever notice the 'bathroom non-stare'? people won't meet eyes with someone
coming out of a stall, like it's somehow embarrassing to have been using the toilet.
lets not admit what really goes on in there, in the 'ladies room'. (^_^)

those silly things we feel

i'm not afraid to give my heart to you
not afraid to show you all my love too
i'm just afraid you won't wanna let me go
the time will pass and i will have to know...
what else is out there?

excuse me darling, i'm leaving now
could i have my heart back now?

so why do you look like i'm taking your heart?
i'm just asking for what's always been...my heart
i was afraid you wouldn't want to give it back
it's nothing you had before me, nothing you'll lack...
it's just my precious heart.

please excuse me. i'm leaving now
i'd like to have my heart back

it's the happy high

so having out of body experiences is really odd, i gave blood
yesterday, and managed to pass out again. (that makes 4 times,
all of them while giving blood). i have had some strange 'dreams'
while being unconscious. once i was looking out the window when
i passed out and suddenly i was floating in the sky with a black
balloon. then i woke up to the many faces around me. it's really
odd. you're body gets all tingly and numb, then your eyes won't
stay open anymore, then dreams, and then it's all over.
but afterward, it's amazing. yesterday i felt like i had taken
speed, all the blood rushes to your head and you get a huge rush.
amazing. it's worth it.
go give blood people. :)

creating master pieces in haunted houses on the edge of a dark town.

I'm so glad I'm not french. those bouirbouir people sound pretty stuck up. :)
just kidding, i'm only a little upset with a certain french wanna-be-person.

All is fine in paradise. So go to sleep and don't worry about me anymore.
Nothing ever even happened.

Sleep

i love sleeping. who doesn't?
those people who stay up till all hours and say they can live on 2 hours a night, they aren't thinking right. :D
all those late nights messed with their minds, fooling them into thinking they can honestly survive on dribbles of REM sleep.
here are some random facts from a sleep research company.

'Daily sleep in humans declines sharply from a peak of 17 to 18 hours at birth to 10 to 12 hours at age 4 and then more gradually to a fairly stable adult duration of 7 to 8.5 hours by age 20.

The average young adult seems to need about 8 hours of sleep per night to function optimally during waking hours. Some people, however, sleep just 6 or 7 hours a night, while others need more than 9 hours to feel rested. The elderly spend less time in deep NREM sleep, and their sleep is more easily interrupted.'

when i get less then 7 hours of sleep i am easily irritated and argumentative. (or maybe that's how i am anyways. ^_^)
anyways all this to say, get enough sleep, for all our sakes. ^_^

spinning gods, just outta sight

yeah, lucky you
cuz in your dreams
life still goes on.

those pretty castles in your
skies.
abstract beauties
spin and wheel.

please don't wake up, i'll kiss
you back to sleep.
i see this fantasy crumble,
sink away into mindless mumble.

...cuz in your dreams...
life still goes on.

missing you...
-your emerandom