You Came Too?

I am staring at this endless ocean, pretending like everything is new.
But I feel you, fact and memory, inside me too.
The waves repeat, and in my mind, your voice, just beyond the blue.

I lie here in dreary solitude, and stronger grow my thoughts.
My sin, my knowledge of you, ties me in knots.
wave on wave, washes the sand, doing nothing for my blots.

I wonder if my hopes or dreams will ever leave this bay.
Lies I've told myself are weaker now, but you still stay.
I am cold but do not move, the tide is going out, slipping away.

I am... the adulterous bride

I am so weak, so sick, so many are my faults
the poisoner, the snake, o'r my defeat exults

I settle for false love, afraid of perfect love.
My eyes are roving lust, I can not look above.

My poison flesh seems everyday to win again.
Yielding, I return to where I've always been.

His perfect Love casts out all fear, what wonder!
This Love so pure n'er will be torn asunder.

I, the whoring bride, am not by Him abhorred.
Again I fail, yet He remains my steadfast Lord.

what is knowing

the day I lost my innocence,
the day I can't rewind.

a time I thought I wanted it,
a time I strived for it.

they told me it was perfect,
they told me I could fly.

the moment of the knowing,
the moment underwhelms.

a whispered bitter realization,
a whispered doubt.

the deepest hell should punish me,
the deepest Love prevailed.

the day I saw my Monster soul,
the day I saw my Savior.

places

I wake happy, I feel safe,
today I know my place

this solitude of old and new,
as intimate as touch

God's breath stirs the trees
and calms my soul

when I am silent, He comes,
sweet and softly to me

I see beauty all around, none
so precious as His heart

I woke happy, He shows me,
and I know my place

how often do I change from Pride 
to Loathing of my mind.

Betrayal I plan, though unknowing,
my very Soul I bind.

I soar away, oh much too high,
unaware a Calm is come.

sinking, Falling near the earth,
I wish to God I could be numb.

I thought that I knew Something,
flying Lost in my ignorance.

body-Shattering force to wake me
from my Shallow interests.

memories paralyze

a smell
a sign
a sudden feeling

then it all goes to hell and I forgot why I came
I forgot why I thought: 'I shall try again'
in my mind I'm alone with no one to blame
I am surrounded by those who don't know
who can't see inside at my gluttonous Shame

a look
a glance
a briefest sound

my thoughts are staking out their prey,
creeping in darkness, stalking the night,
binding me in musing too dark for day.
I cannot remember how to take flight,
tied by these bonds I weaved merrily while it was Light.