let Go of it All

I am Jaded and Disappointed.
I am Lonely and overwelmed with Family.
I am too Young and too Old.
I am Lazy and Overworked.
I Desire and I make myself Sick.
I Hate when I Love.
I Live in the Past or the Future.
I Think what I should Say.
I Say what I should Think.
I am Cold and I am Burning.
I am Ignorant and I Know too much.
I want Everything and Nothing.
I Promise too much and give too Little.
I Whisper when I should Shout.
I Waste my abilities with Wishing.
I Pray for him, then I Judge him.
I Wonder and Watch when I should Run.
I Run when I should Stop and Love.
I Attempt impossibilities without Him.
I try to Fix myself before crawling to Him.
I Wail to others without a Whisper to Him.
I am Child, Subject, Slave.
He is Father, LORD, and Master.
I must Fall down so He will Help me up.

wonder and wander

gentle, gentle one, till you come to Paradise.
shout the truth to wanderers.
there are none who know the price.

quiet, quiet child, seek Wisdom listening.
run, touch and feel, understand.
stand in awe and worship bring.

alone

underneath and far away
the world appears in gray and white.
the waves dance and play
and day drifts away, dreamy into night.

i am safe and hid away
nothing knows my fragile state
not even light from breaking day.
ocean storms, the sky will imitate.

angst city

coffee cup empty,
jitters in my fingers.
nothing comes to me.
the pen, drifting, lingers...

ocean

a dream is a fair-weather friend

on silent drifting waves of the impossible

it crests, as for a moment suspend

something over which to stumble

so not thinking about you..

...but i am. :)
cuz you make me want to be a better, cooler, more unique person.
but i think it's okay because you also make me want to be closer
to God, you make Him beautiful to me. 
sometimes i'm afraid because i like you too much too soon and
i'm probably going to get hurt...
maybe I just need to forget about me and trust that God has some
plan in everything, even minute details that we discount.
the terror in my hope is the fear that what i love will be taken away,
as if God didn't already know it was better for us if he does take
it away...even if it's something i want more than anything in the world.


let me trust you, God, to work your will in my life.

making pizza meat pie

first time making a pie crust! i kept sticking everything back into the freezer to try and make it hold together better. that was a pain, but worth it in the end when it decided to suddenly roll out properly.

according to my instructions, brushing the crust with egg white and refrigerating is a good idea to prevent soggy crusts.
(it didn't work, haha)

i popped the filling which i had prepared earlier into the crust. (ingredients being, ground hamburger, pizza sauce, green pepper, mushroom, onion, and garlic)

sprinkled cheese on top of the filling

 I sealed the top crust on and cut a X in the top, and brushed the remaining egg white on to the top.

 And baked for about an hour at 350, I could see the cheese melted and the steam coming out. mmhhhm!