those silly things we feel

i'm not afraid to give my heart to you
not afraid to show you all my love too
i'm just afraid you won't wanna let me go
the time will pass and i will have to know...
what else is out there?

excuse me darling, i'm leaving now
could i have my heart back now?

so why do you look like i'm taking your heart?
i'm just asking for what's always been...my heart
i was afraid you wouldn't want to give it back
it's nothing you had before me, nothing you'll lack...
it's just my precious heart.

please excuse me. i'm leaving now
i'd like to have my heart back

it's the happy high

so having out of body experiences is really odd, i gave blood
yesterday, and managed to pass out again. (that makes 4 times,
all of them while giving blood). i have had some strange 'dreams'
while being unconscious. once i was looking out the window when
i passed out and suddenly i was floating in the sky with a black
balloon. then i woke up to the many faces around me. it's really
odd. you're body gets all tingly and numb, then your eyes won't
stay open anymore, then dreams, and then it's all over.
but afterward, it's amazing. yesterday i felt like i had taken
speed, all the blood rushes to your head and you get a huge rush.
amazing. it's worth it.
go give blood people. :)

creating master pieces in haunted houses on the edge of a dark town.

I'm so glad I'm not french. those bouirbouir people sound pretty stuck up. :)
just kidding, i'm only a little upset with a certain french wanna-be-person.

All is fine in paradise. So go to sleep and don't worry about me anymore.
Nothing ever even happened.

Sleep

i love sleeping. who doesn't?
those people who stay up till all hours and say they can live on 2 hours a night, they aren't thinking right. :D
all those late nights messed with their minds, fooling them into thinking they can honestly survive on dribbles of REM sleep.
here are some random facts from a sleep research company.

'Daily sleep in humans declines sharply from a peak of 17 to 18 hours at birth to 10 to 12 hours at age 4 and then more gradually to a fairly stable adult duration of 7 to 8.5 hours by age 20.

The average young adult seems to need about 8 hours of sleep per night to function optimally during waking hours. Some people, however, sleep just 6 or 7 hours a night, while others need more than 9 hours to feel rested. The elderly spend less time in deep NREM sleep, and their sleep is more easily interrupted.'

when i get less then 7 hours of sleep i am easily irritated and argumentative. (or maybe that's how i am anyways. ^_^)
anyways all this to say, get enough sleep, for all our sakes. ^_^

spinning gods, just outta sight

yeah, lucky you
cuz in your dreams
life still goes on.

those pretty castles in your
skies.
abstract beauties
spin and wheel.

please don't wake up, i'll kiss
you back to sleep.
i see this fantasy crumble,
sink away into mindless mumble.

...cuz in your dreams...
life still goes on.

missing you...
-your emerandom

the mindless ramblings of an inservice. (u_u)

there is a certain power
to seeing you, sitting alone
very quiet and calm after
doing that to all of us.
especially when i didn't see
you do it.
you aren't obviously angry
you've accepted the
consequences.
it makes me wonder as to
motivations and what
your thoughts are now.
are you sorry, i wanna ask.
would you do it again, if i
gave you the chance?
but you are deep inside your
shell.
hide away from my eyes.
even as your blank eyes stare
back into mine, there's nothing
behind them that i can see.
it's all hidden so deep cuz you
don't wanna get hurt anymore...

forever never...alone

isn't it always that way?
for everyone there's always
something more important then me...

meaningless song

4 times i've given all my love
but all those words mean nothing
cuz there's nothing below or above
your meaningless song that you sing

im not a god that i wait forever
so take it or leave it; sincere love
this could be pretty, forever never
my dear, take off your dainty glove

5's luck of the draw i think
ancient blessings on your failure
your fragile boat's about to sink
one answer will make you sure

4 times i've given my love
but all of my words mean nothing
cuz there's nothing below or above
your meaningless song that you sing...

mess of the mind

here i am lost in this mess...
confused and im winding
mixed in with the rest.

where did i lose you? myself, all alone
dark magic that
faint light never shown

where am i? just crawling along?
confused, and i'm crying.
did i fail all alone?

my spider

i think i love you
but im not quite sure
this spider in me keeps
saying im not
the spider is danger
and im danger like a
spider...

...scream
and then again, tell
me not to be afraid.
come and put your arms
around me
baby spider crawls back
home
but home is where my
heart is, and that is
never far.

for her...

should i say goodbye?
are you leaving yet?
cause it seems your heart
left long ago

if you didn't want me.
you could've said so
it'd have hurt me less
then this...

i know you have others
much better then me...
but you could've at least
said goodbye

if you didn't want me...

if you don't want me
just say so
should i say goodbye, darling?

never pretend

wander on in, my faithless love
kiss me and love me, tell me you try
wander on out, my faithless love
you kill me, darling, you're making me die

wander on back to your homeland
touch lips to the girl who waits
wander on out to the waste land
find other girls who's love to sate

wander on in, my faithless darling
touch me and love me, tell me you care
wander on out, my faithless darling
you're killing me, my heart has a tear

so wander away, but aways come back
to kiss me and hold me, to love me again
so wander on home, aways come back
my heart full of love, and I'll never pretend.

cause i love you

wake to other songs

come down, come back
close your tired eyes now
i missed the ending
do you know i love you?
break my heart

no fear will now attack you
close your pretty eyes now
i missed the ending
you never knew i loved you.
closed foreverlasting

forgive me, for i lack
nothing lovely ever dies
i missed the ending
did you know i loved you?
i never said.

my silence burns worse
lovely wisdom never lies
i missed your ending
did i say i loved you?
break my heart

come down, come back
close your tired eyes
i missed the ending
you never knew i loved you
i never said.

never speak to me again,
i'll, i'll lay you in this grave.
i'll, i'll sing this lullaby.
'goodnight. goodnight, goodnight
darling, wake to better songs'

too late at night...

if someone was the middle of the ocean, do you think they would know they were wet?

how can people be so clueless when it comes to being loved?
there are times, more often then should be, that i would swear no one would care if i killed myself...
then i see a brief glimpse at how many people actually know my name, how many random kids look up to me, how many adults actually respect me.
but then i think, most of those people have seen one side of me, they think i have it all together...if they only knew...

but some of them know i don't have it all together and they love me anyways. when i can see that then i know i am wet and the ocean is very beautiful...

while i was sleeping...

hello beautiful
im awake
is it any different now?
then when I went to sleep?

i thought the world would
change.
while i was fast asleep
i guess that i was wrong.
cause nothing changed at all.

hello beautiful
i just woke up
you're just as beautiful
as you were before.

i thought the world would
change.
while i was fast asleep
but i see that i was wrong
cause nothing changed for good

hello beautiful
im awake now
you make me sigh again
just as you did before

i thought the world
would change
when i was fast asleep
but i guess that i was wrong
cause nothing changed at all.

hello beautiful
i wish i weren't awake
you're just as beautiful
as you were before

goodbye beautiful
i'm sleeping now again
perhaps i'll wake

beautiful imperfection

all i've ever wanted and don't call me lame
but all i've ever wanted was a perfect name...

the name that only god knows, eternally
will it make me like you? like them all?
little x's on my fingers, will i live eternally?
come with me, let us go to god, we will surely crawl

cause all i've ever wanted was a perfect name
it's all i've ever wanted, and don't call me lame...

what is this imperfection?
it is me, and i'm without
salvation...
imperfection is perfected
in me...

in the middle of the sun

i fell in love in the middle of the sun
i said goodbye to that icy heart of mine
dove into the endless sea of fire

consume me, burn my heart away
don't speak, just light the fire
begin another love, another life

i fell in love in the middle of the Son
i threw away that hardened heart of mine
dove into his outstretched arms of fire

consume me, burn me all away
don't speak, take all of me
till im all consumed, love me

i fell in love in the middle of eternal god
he destroyed that bitter heart of mine
burned it away with his endless sea of love

hullo people

im the new game that
everyone is playing.
today im copacetic
but tomorrow i might be gone
so enjoy me while you have me,
it'll all be over soon.
and to honor all that
i will tell you something
you don't already
know;

i will always tell you.

blue eyed child

here i sit, head in hands
just a little child
all of these dreams
that i dreamed in your arms

shattered, shining pieces of my heart
i hold them in my bloodless fingers

come and sit beside me
you're fading away
all these mysteries
i thought i'd never know

silver, bleeding bits of all my dreams
falling all around my dirty bare feet

the sky is so blue today
in this, my broken kingdom
it took only a moment
that dreaming in your arms

(the scattered remains will be around forever
because dreams never evaporate, they are
smashed and lie as reminders forever)

thanks for coming, shut the door, i dont wanna see you anymore...

oh little child, this is the last
and then i go, to cry alone
all these laughing years past
now i've gone and dropped the phone

dont tell me i hate you
cause you know its not true
all you'll know is my eyes are blue
and i think we both knew

when i see you again,
you know i'll tell you 'hi'
but that's it, i'm sorry again
cause it only means bye

but dont tell me i hate you
cause you know its not true
its all confused, clouded too
and i think we both knew...

lucky you and lucky me
you'll thank me in a year or two
i dont know why, but you cant see
id help you up, find something new

please dont tell me that i hate you
cause you know its not at all true
all you'll remember is my eyes are blue
and i think we both already knew...

------{{@