dirt road to nowhere in particular

darling, watch the stars
drag your feet, in the mud
drift along, we got no cars

holding hands, come along
we'll never, go home again
words I can't say, it's a song

i imagine, your blue eyes
dream along, all the way
endless horizons, blue skies

wanting to be always

sometimes it feels like if I can't do one thing in life, then I will automatically fail at everything else.
but...that also works the reverse way. because if I can do something then I have confidence about other things. :D
My example of this is this weekend I [finally] learned how to water ski. :D I think I had decided I couldn't do it, so that didn't help...but I got it now. so now all the rest of my life is much better...

only a little shocked and horrified.

there are some people who are more then a little horrified by me.
it's not personal.
just things they have deep-rooted opinions.
things that have been shaping in their minds since they were small things.
and maybe they really don't like my pastor.
so they pretend it's something about me that they don't like.
or maybe they don't like the way i do my hair...
because it reminds them of their mom/dad/estranged relative.
who knows??
and honestly, who cares?
(sadly, I think I'm the only one)
and i know i shouldn't, other people tell me i shouldn't.
but if i listen to them, won't i be caring what they think?
who are they anyway?


[i am jack's inflamed sense of rejection]

in the daytime

you know how at night sometimes you get really depressed?
and you think awful things about yourself and other people?
and even sometimes you say them outloud? (the awful things)
but if you just go to bed, you forget them all in the night.
and everything is pretty again the next morning, even if you didnt
get quite enough sleep...

life after graduation.

congratulations!

entertainment deluxe

all the different people in the world. we should never be bored. so next time you think you're bored check this out.

God said we could partake of all the fruits in the garden, just not of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. ALL the other fruits. :)

I'm a knowledgable disaster assister.

Wow I'm so proud. I just got a certificate of achievement acknowledging that "Hannah G Paulson has reaffirmed a dedication to serve in times of crisis through continued professional development and completion of the independent study course: IS-00007 A Citizen's Guide to Disaster Assistance. Issued this the 1st day of June, 2009."

Now i'm qualified to help people in case of a disaster!

^_^

music! videos! entertainment!

i think i want this ipod touch.

please comment yes or no.

corn

so this is the little sis eating corn for lunch. E is on a strange diet where she can't have refined sugar or white flour and some dairy products. :(

I think it's getting frustrating. she couldn't have butter on her corn.

23

i'm thinking about when i'm old. like 23 old.
it feels like so far away. but it's only like 4 and a half years.
i wonder where i'll be and what i'll be doing then...
if i'll have the same values. the same number of piercings. :P
the same skills and talents. if i'll still be going in the same direction?
if i'll have a broken heart...or not.

waiting for angels?

haha, i liked it even if it was horrible.
all the fat girls in the front who were crying and desperately reaching for adam and all the other bubs...well that was the bad part. and the sweaty fat guys. why is everyone fat when you're moshing????
and smelly. i hope nobody had HIV or something!!! cuz i sure got it if they did. and i was smelling clean and fresh as a daisy before i went in, but then...all the bubs who came straight from their sewage jobs came rushing in and started sweating buckets as they leapt around and smashed into all the nice clean girls.
and no breath mints either.
i should take a shower and get all the nasty feeling off of me.
(i realize the reason i like moshing is because everyone forgets that you're not suppose to touch people you don't know and we all get in the mix.)
unfortunately i was kicked in the face like 3 times...from crowd surfers who obviously didn't know how to do it.
okay...and i decided the reason most people faint is because there's too much carbon dioxide down there, close to the ground with a million people all panting.
thank you for reading this nonsense and marking it up to my being very tired and smelly.

goodnight. :) I LOVE you. More than you'll ever know.

too many people!

i'm scared of people.
i just want a non-talking day.
where i don't have to see or hear anyone or anything.
it might actually be nice to be deaf and blind for a day.
just a day...or to go and be alone for a day. all alone...
i'm freaking scared of people, it like my head's gonna explode.
do you people just see right through me?
^_^
i'm so tired, but also totally buzzed. this morning before work at 7, I drank an entire energy drink (2 servings) and then pop later in the morning and highly caffeinated tea when i got home. much too little sleep these pass couple nights.
i should go to bed, but i know i probably won't be able to sleep until like midnight...so maybe i should make this cool video game where you're just wandering around in a wasteland with nothing in it but background music (visible) and sensory elements...

why can't i sleep?

why can't i sleep?
i'm exhausted.
but when i lay down.
i itch and can't sleep.
it's a call to open my eyes.
but i'm so tired...
why can't i sleep?
i don't have any pills.
or milk at this hour?
it's almost 1 am.
and i'm 'getting up' at 5.
my body is tired.
but my mind is drugged.
and nobody's up or around.
i wish i could find sense...
of life or of awakeness.
why are some people loved?
oh go to sleep love!
but i'm itchy and restless.
i'm on the verge of saying...
things i don't mean,
so tired...so very very tired.
but my eyes are awake.
what drugs have they taken?
oh why can't i sleep?

pull me apart

drip a lifetime away

tell them the truth

touch the ground

before

you leave me

corbis dive

dive down into the liquid of God.
perfection in cool clearness.
all the pieces of peace, melted.
combining eternity with present.
faces blurred into nothing.
time stretches, endless and never.

dive into the bottomless ocean.
quietness in the questions.
be reborn and never emerge.
no need to breathe anymore.
never coming up to the air.
there's nothing anymore.

china phone.

so my phone actually did come...after i bought a tiny little pre-paid nokia phone. ^_^
but then i sold the nokia phone to my parents.
there is an amazing magicsushi game on this new phone, also it has fm radio and analog tv (which is pretty much useless, but cool nonetheless.)
it was much cooler to get the phone after being pretty much sure that it wasn't coming.
and the manual that came with it is hilarious. the most oft quoted warning is that it might explode or cooks meals. (i'm guessing they meant 'fry') :P

ikea

this is the TOLGA ikea bed that I am currently obsessed with. i could live at ikea.
plus they have great candy and frozen yogurt. :D

retraction

okay so the stupid company that's suppose to be sending me a great new phone decided that that one was out of stock as well. (see older post)
so hopefully this 3rd selection will be the charm. of course it's also my 3rd choice and i'm getting rather annoyed with them but this phone is kinda cool too. it is double sided phone and i'm hoping it's not out of stock too!

11:22

the other night when I was biking home from work at 11pm something, i was really tired and just feeling like i wanted to be home right away, but it's a 4 mile ride and i was about 3 miles in. then i came to the gas station, and the bank beside it. the bank always flashes the temperature and the time. it was 32 degrees and 11:22.
i was so happy it wasn't 11:30 yet that i almost started crying. i like getting home before 11:30, but when i'm going home i usually go slower then when i'm going to work, cuz it's cold and dark going home and i won't get in trouble for getting home late. :P

new phone

so this is my amazing new phone, which actually hasn't come in the mail yet due to some miscommunications, the other phone that I was getting was out of stock or something.
i'm so excited, cuz i think this is one of the most unique looking phones.
so everybody tell me what you think of it. ^_^