i'm back!

well...i've returned...and as you've probably noticed...i didn't keep updating anything. :P
I didn't get any sleep last night, so i'm rather exhausted, but it was amazing.
welcome me back darlings. I love Minnesota.

65 moments away from the edge

oh I miss the ruthiey.
But Colorado is beautiful and has awesome weather. not humid at all.
We ran into a thunderstorm on the plane ride over...and that was awesome too. lots of lightening and wind. :) but the entire trip felt surreal. I took a very long walk in the mpls airport to get to my gate. then i sat next to an older guy who was coming back from the Philippines, where he had been running a basketball-christian outreach thing.
then at the almost completely silent Colorado Springs airport, I got picked up by Teresa and Bill. No problems finding them, thankfully. :)
they are so hospitable and kind. and their daughter sarah is awesome, very cool hair. :P
and they have a tiny dog named heidi.
well i had a good sleep and now i'm hanging out drinking coffee. (i guess i'm a coffee drinker now, i've already had two cups!) lol.
wow i think i'm a little stressed, but that's mostly because it's a bunch of unknowns that will shortly become known. :)
i didn't think id have internet access, but...obviously i do. haha
so i'll try to keep this updated as the time progresses.

love you all! especially the fam. I miss you guys!
<3

summit

i'm going to summit!
so i will be gone for like 2 weeks. have a fun life everybody and....if i die, then have a nice hot bowl of ramen.
:)


kisses!
emerandom...

ps. i hope it rains.

the SOUTH will rise AGAIN

not...that i'm southern. but - i do think.

when i was younger i had the idea that i should know as much as possible about the bands that i listened to...now...
i believe that it's best to just listen to the music, maybe maybe go to their show, but never never find out anything more about them. don't get the special extended edition of their tour cd/dvd. don't watch youtube interviews. don't read interviews. don't look at any other pictures of them. and definitely don't try to meet them, even 'accidentally'. run away!
i've found they always disappoint and it's better to imagine they are something they're not then to know for sure that they're regular jerk-faces.

it's all coming back

so my iron levels were 14.5! (in perspective, it has to be 12 to donate).
it's a wierd process, they take out an 1/8 of the total blood that they use, and spin out the plasma part of it, then they stop it and reverse the machine to put the red blood cells and the platelets back into the vein and take another 1/8 until it's all done. then they also put some saline solution, like half an iv bag into the vein to replace the lost plasma. very cool. :)
but i still had a bit of faintness going on afterwards, i don't exactly know why, it's suppose to be easier on your body then giving whole blood.

then in the evening, after bible study, i was biking to my brother's house to pick up some stuff and i came across this lady sitting on the bus stop bench with her head down on her knees. i stopped and asked her if she was okay. She said yes and then no, and she looked awful. I stopped and went over to her and asked her again if she was okay and she asked to use my phone. She called up some guy and told him she needed to be picked up. She gave me back my phone and explained that she had been jogging in her neighborhood and had suddenly felt very faint and nauseated. her ipod was playing very loudly with the ear buds out of her ears and she was acting all wobbly and her eyes rolling back in her head. i tried to keep her awake and concious, her skin was very cold and clammy. finally the guy showed up and came walking over, he appeared not very concerned about the situation. made me wonder if she was on drugs or something else was wrong that they didn't want to be known. she staggered off to the truck and they drove off.
wierdest thing that ever happened to me.

plasma

so i'm going to try and donate plasma this morning. hopefully i will have enough iron levels and everything else. i'm unnaturally excited!

dirt road to nowhere in particular

darling, watch the stars
drag your feet, in the mud
drift along, we got no cars

holding hands, come along
we'll never, go home again
words I can't say, it's a song

i imagine, your blue eyes
dream along, all the way
endless horizons, blue skies

wanting to be always

sometimes it feels like if I can't do one thing in life, then I will automatically fail at everything else.
but...that also works the reverse way. because if I can do something then I have confidence about other things. :D
My example of this is this weekend I [finally] learned how to water ski. :D I think I had decided I couldn't do it, so that didn't help...but I got it now. so now all the rest of my life is much better...

only a little shocked and horrified.

there are some people who are more then a little horrified by me.
it's not personal.
just things they have deep-rooted opinions.
things that have been shaping in their minds since they were small things.
and maybe they really don't like my pastor.
so they pretend it's something about me that they don't like.
or maybe they don't like the way i do my hair...
because it reminds them of their mom/dad/estranged relative.
who knows??
and honestly, who cares?
(sadly, I think I'm the only one)
and i know i shouldn't, other people tell me i shouldn't.
but if i listen to them, won't i be caring what they think?
who are they anyway?


[i am jack's inflamed sense of rejection]

in the daytime

you know how at night sometimes you get really depressed?
and you think awful things about yourself and other people?
and even sometimes you say them outloud? (the awful things)
but if you just go to bed, you forget them all in the night.
and everything is pretty again the next morning, even if you didnt
get quite enough sleep...

life after graduation.

congratulations!

entertainment deluxe

all the different people in the world. we should never be bored. so next time you think you're bored check this out.

God said we could partake of all the fruits in the garden, just not of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. ALL the other fruits. :)

I'm a knowledgable disaster assister.

Wow I'm so proud. I just got a certificate of achievement acknowledging that "Hannah G Paulson has reaffirmed a dedication to serve in times of crisis through continued professional development and completion of the independent study course: IS-00007 A Citizen's Guide to Disaster Assistance. Issued this the 1st day of June, 2009."

Now i'm qualified to help people in case of a disaster!

^_^

music! videos! entertainment!

i think i want this ipod touch.

please comment yes or no.

corn

so this is the little sis eating corn for lunch. E is on a strange diet where she can't have refined sugar or white flour and some dairy products. :(

I think it's getting frustrating. she couldn't have butter on her corn.

23

i'm thinking about when i'm old. like 23 old.
it feels like so far away. but it's only like 4 and a half years.
i wonder where i'll be and what i'll be doing then...
if i'll have the same values. the same number of piercings. :P
the same skills and talents. if i'll still be going in the same direction?
if i'll have a broken heart...or not.

waiting for angels?

haha, i liked it even if it was horrible.
all the fat girls in the front who were crying and desperately reaching for adam and all the other bubs...well that was the bad part. and the sweaty fat guys. why is everyone fat when you're moshing????
and smelly. i hope nobody had HIV or something!!! cuz i sure got it if they did. and i was smelling clean and fresh as a daisy before i went in, but then...all the bubs who came straight from their sewage jobs came rushing in and started sweating buckets as they leapt around and smashed into all the nice clean girls.
and no breath mints either.
i should take a shower and get all the nasty feeling off of me.
(i realize the reason i like moshing is because everyone forgets that you're not suppose to touch people you don't know and we all get in the mix.)
unfortunately i was kicked in the face like 3 times...from crowd surfers who obviously didn't know how to do it.
okay...and i decided the reason most people faint is because there's too much carbon dioxide down there, close to the ground with a million people all panting.
thank you for reading this nonsense and marking it up to my being very tired and smelly.

goodnight. :) I LOVE you. More than you'll ever know.

too many people!

i'm scared of people.
i just want a non-talking day.
where i don't have to see or hear anyone or anything.
it might actually be nice to be deaf and blind for a day.
just a day...or to go and be alone for a day. all alone...
i'm freaking scared of people, it like my head's gonna explode.
do you people just see right through me?
^_^
i'm so tired, but also totally buzzed. this morning before work at 7, I drank an entire energy drink (2 servings) and then pop later in the morning and highly caffeinated tea when i got home. much too little sleep these pass couple nights.
i should go to bed, but i know i probably won't be able to sleep until like midnight...so maybe i should make this cool video game where you're just wandering around in a wasteland with nothing in it but background music (visible) and sensory elements...

why can't i sleep?

why can't i sleep?
i'm exhausted.
but when i lay down.
i itch and can't sleep.
it's a call to open my eyes.
but i'm so tired...
why can't i sleep?
i don't have any pills.
or milk at this hour?
it's almost 1 am.
and i'm 'getting up' at 5.
my body is tired.
but my mind is drugged.
and nobody's up or around.
i wish i could find sense...
of life or of awakeness.
why are some people loved?
oh go to sleep love!
but i'm itchy and restless.
i'm on the verge of saying...
things i don't mean,
so tired...so very very tired.
but my eyes are awake.
what drugs have they taken?
oh why can't i sleep?

pull me apart

drip a lifetime away

tell them the truth

touch the ground

before

you leave me